


The chronicles of a mad girl

by Peggysuave



Series: The misery of being Herman Carter's obsession [5]
Category: Dead by Daylight (Video Game)
Genre: Abduction, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Explicit Language, F/M, Fear, Flashbacks, Gore, Hallucinations, Horror, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Medication, NO lONGER IN THE ENTITY'S REALM, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Paranoia, Post entity life, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychology, Real Life, Real world, Slow Burn, Therapy, Trauma, flashbacks of abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-24
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2020-05-19 03:37:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19348711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peggysuave/pseuds/Peggysuave
Summary: After what felt like decades in Herman Carter's grasp, you had finally managed to turn the tables and erase yourself from the entity's game. But did you solely erase yourself? Or did you grant someone else freedom too? What kind of horrors does the real world hold ready for you?





	1. If danger had a scent

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everybody!  
> I so hope that there's still an audience for this! I was hyped up to write for a couple days and this is the outcome! I hope there's still people out there who wonder how the story of Herman and the Readercontinues in the REAL world!
> 
> If you enjoy the chapter, PLEASE let me know in the comments. I'd die for all of your lovely comments!  
> Lots of love, Peggy xxx

Terrified you tore your eyes open and found yourself face to face with a pair of blazing, red eyes that pierced not only your brain but also your heart just by looking at you. White sparks came spraying from them and burnt your skin and your soul. You let out an anguished, panicked scream that died in your throat as the person above you brutally grabbed you by your neck and started restricting your air flow bit by bit.  
“I found you, doll” the man chuckled in an oh so familiar way. A diabolical grin spread across his distorted, grotesque features as he continued: “You thought you could hide from me, didn’t you? But I will always find you. I will find you everywhere. There is no way you can ever escape from me, (y/n), and you know it!”  
You were trembling with panic but you could not move one muscle. An invisible restraint kept you in place, right underneath the monster of a man on top of you who was laughing maniacally by now. His laughter grew louder and louder whilst your vision went blacker and blacker as he slowly choked you to death.   
Abruptly the pressure around your throat vanished. Gasping for air you looked up and witnessed how the man’s ribcage was suddenly torn open by a demonic talon that shot straight down from a pitch black maelstrom that was rotating on the sky. Still unable to move you watched as the talon ripped out the man’s organs piece by piece while blood came gushing from his torso and his mouth and painted the walls of your bedroom crimson red.  
“You will pay for this, doll” the man gurgled.  
Suddenly you saw the walls behind the figure on top of you move and stretch as the hands of hundreds of tortured, restless souls demanded entrance.  
‘I’m just dreaming’ you thought.  
“You pathetic little cock-sucking bitch, you belong to ME! I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU!” the man roared and bend over you, which made his intestines spill on your bed sheets.  
‘I’M JUST DREAMING! I’M JUST DREAMING! I’M JUST DREAMING!’

-

With a suffocated, guttural scream you shot up and panicky tried to free your arms from the invisible restraint that was still wrapped around you. Your hair was damp with sweat and clung to your head and your face like a wet spider web. In the darkness of your room it took you several seconds to realize that the restraint was in fact your blanket that was equally damp with sweat as your hair. Still gasping for air you tried to peel it off you with trembling hands. Your heart was hammering like crazy and it drummed even faster when suddenly the door swung open with a terrifyingly loud ‘creak’.  
White walls.  
Hospital beds.  
Flickering monitors and electricity.  
A man stepped out of the shadows. White doctor’s coat, grey skin, glowing eyes. He rubbed his hands together and electrical discharges danced across his skin and the walls of your room.   
“You will NEVER GET AWAY FROM ME, DOLL!” the Doctor roared out, unbuckled his belt and whipped it out of the loops.  
“NOOOOOO!”

-

A sharp, anguishing pain shot through your entire body as you tore your eyes open with a scream so panicked and scared that you immediately started crying at the sound of your own voice. Through the veil of tears you realized that your room was no longer filled with darkness but that dim morning light slowly crept through the curtains. The lamp on your night stand was shedding warm light too, like it always did. You never turned any of the lights off. Still sobbing you quietly thanked yourself for living on your own – the screams you emitted every night could wake up any living creature in a 50 meter radius. Finally you crawled out from underneath your blanket, sat on the edge of the bed and regarded your clenched fist.   
You had punched the bed frame while asleep – again. Sadly you looked down on your bleeding knuckles as you unclenched your fist. Last times bruises were still clearly visible beneath the blood. Carefully you moved your fingers and your hand. It hurt like hell but you didn’t think you had broken any bones of yours. ‘Thank god’ you thought to yourself. You definitely didn’t want to go to the hospital again and think of a story. You in fact never ever wanted to go to a hospital again in your entire life, but a couple of months ago you had banged your head against the wall so hard in your sleep that you had woken up with a brain concussion. When you kept stumbling and throwing up you eventually forced yourself to call 911.

A quick look on the watch let you know that it was 5 am. There was no way that you were going back to sleep now so you resignedly stood up and decided that it was best to take a shower. You should probably wash the bed sheets too but you already knew that you just wouldn’t have the energy to do so. Sighing loudly you slowly paced down the well-lit but slightly rundown hallway and entered the bathroom.   
Still shaking you peeled your sweat soaked pajamas off your body and carelessly dropped them on the ground. When you stepped into the shower and let the water stream, you didn’t draw the curtains. You were too scared of what might be lurking behind them if you did.  
Even though you used pleasantly smelling, flowery scented shampoo, the neutral scent of hospital soap immediately filled your nose. As the hot water streamed down your body, you had to stare down on your feet to make sure you were actually standing in your own shower and not on the cold floor tiles of one of the institute’s bathrooms.  
You had read about trauma. Wasn’t it supposed to get better someday? You let the tears stream with the hot water. It has been almost one year by now but still you woke up crying and drenched with sweat every day. The Doctor’s face haunted you day and night. Every shadow and every silhouette seemed to resemble him. Every few minutes you had to spin around to make sure he wasn’t watching you from behind. You had even searched your whole place for hidden cameras, even though you knew there was absolutely no way he could’ve placed some in here. You didn’t even know if he was alive at all. And even if he was, you had no clue if you and he were even from the same time period. And even if he was alive right now, how could he possibly know where you were? On the day you woke up, almost one year ago, you had immediately deleted all your social media accounts and hadn’t returned to them since. You only left the house when it was absolutely necessary – not even for grocery shopping, you ordered those online - and when you did, you always made sure to carry a knife with you.  
In conclusion, you were a nervous wreck who flinched at every sound and was haunted by never ending nightmares. The Doctor might only be a ghost from your memory at this point, but he felt painfully real when he abused you and touched you in your dreams.

With a sigh you turned off the water, dried yourself off and fetched a soft bandage from a drawer and carefully wrapped it around your bruised knuckles. New blood was already collecting in the cracks on your skin. You would have to keep an eye on that. Letting out a heavy sigh you scuffed back to your bedroom. If you weren’t going to wash those sweaty sheets, you could at least try to remove the blood stains from the bed frame. After a minute or so you ceased your halfhearted attempts though and finally moved on to your desk – which was the place where you had spent the most time in the past 12 months.   
The walls behind the computer monitor were covered in pictures, printed out articles and self-written notes. You had been reading. You had been reading about a lot of things since the entity brought you back home. Oh, you were convinced that the entity existed, even though the therapist you had consulted at the behest of your parents a while ago told you otherwise. Of course your family and friends had noticed your weird behavior – the way you turned chalk white when someone touched your shoulder, the way you flinched when someone called out your name, the way you started obsessing over mythology, religion, and physics and whatever could potentially help you understand what had happened to you. During the first two months or so after you arrival, you had been hanging around your parents’ and friends’ places all the time but you had quickly noticed that the kind of comfort they had to offer was no help to you.   
Even though you loved them with all your heart and were ineffably happy to see all of them again after all this time – which was no time at all for them -, the uncomprehending, pitiful, concerned looks they gave you were unbearable. Their silent, unspoken judgement broke you heart but you couldn’t hold it against them. You knew you sounded like you had lost your mind. You sounded like a fucking psycho and by now you thought you might as well be one. To them it probably seemed like a completely different, mentally disturbed person had taken over (y/n)’s body. So you had started seeking distance – at least until you would find some sort of explanation for the memories and the trauma you had.   
There were moments when you thought that perhaps it was all a dream, that you must’ve had a stroke and gone bonkers over night or something. But deep inside you knew that it was all true. A human brain wouldn’t even be able to think of all these things and make them seem so vivid, so real. Or could it?  
Your friends and family still tried to reach out for you every now and then and you tried your best to appease them and tell them that you were doing alright. You were beyond thankful for what they still did for you. They called it pocket-money and said that it’s the least they can do, but it was so much more than that. Without their help you would not even be able to pay for rent and food, since your mental condition made it absolutely impossible for you to hold down a job. Thank god they hadn’t tried to commit you to an insane asylum yet.

Letting out another sigh you finally sat down, stretched your arms above your head and creaked your joints. You were about to do your daily check on several different forums – most of them about supernatural experiences and the paranormal. The threads you had found so far didn’t actually describe the entity though. Well, those who encountered the entity never came back to talk about it, you guessed. As soon as you realized that, you had started searching newspapers and browsing archives for missing people too – which seemed to be a more promising approach. Well, at first at least. You had been searching long hours, week after week, but even despite your best efforts you were unable to find any information about any of your former campfire comrades. It was enough to make a woman go crazy. Even if they hadn’t gone missing YET in the real world, there had to be SOME information about them on the internet, right? Well, apparently not.   
You were already annoyed and you hadn’t even started your daily search yet. Frustrated you entered Jane Romero’s name in the search box for what had to be like the 50th time by now. Several women showed up but none of them was her, like always, of course. ‘She was hostess of a freaking talk show, for fuck’s sake’ you cursed in your head. ‘She was a god damn celebrity!’   
You had already considered that some of the entity’s prisoners probably came from different eras - the sickening, tall women that all of you had called “the plague” for instance – she clearly came from ancient times. But all of your comrades had seemed and talked and looked perfectly modern, just like you, so why were they nowhere to be found?  
With a sigh you opened the website of one of your favorite forums. It was one of those where people could share their experiences about paranormal activities. Sane people would say that all of these people were talking pure bullshit but your very own experience had obviously radically changed your world view, so you clicked on one of the new entries and meticulously started reading.  
The hours melted away and you didn’t bother to get up to eat or drink just once. You just searched and read. You inhaled the words on the screen, you sucked them in with your eyes, turned and twisted them around in your head until you had extracted every last bit of useful information. Eagerly you clicked on the next thread.  
“Parallel universes, huh?” you muttered to yourself and moved a little closer to the monitor as your thoughts started running wild. That would actually make perfect sense – an explanatory approach so simple and yet so plausible, but also so… lazy? If all of your former comrades were from alternate realities, you of course would be unable to find them – because they didn’t exist in this realm! If the entity had created a separate dimension for itself – a dimension in which even time worked completely different – why shouldn’t there be other parallel dimensions?   
“Makes perfect sense” you chuckled to yourself and immediately covered your mouth with your hand, terrified of the sound of your own giggle. You never giggled. Tearing up you clasped your ribcage with your free hand and tried to silence the Doctor’s giggle that echoed not only in your head but in the whole house. There was one single name that you had never ever looked up that whole time long and never would. Its sheer sound made you jump with panic - one name that you never wanted to hear again and yet you were forced to see its owner every night in your dreams. Herman Carter.

\- 2 months later

Impatiently you drummed your fingers on the table while you waited for the website to load. You had changed your strategy a couple weeks ago. You no longer just googled names and browsed social networks, instead you meticulously and methodically scanned newspaper archives for certain names. The big ones had come first – without success. By now it had come down to analyzing local rags of various small towns and you felt like some sort of obsessed investigator. Edition after edition flickered across the screen, day after day, week after week.  
The ‘Clarksville weekly paper’ website finally finished loading and you eagerly opened up their archive. Yesterday you had stopped at 2016th editions. Apparently Clarksville only had like 1000 inhabitants, so their papers were quick reads.  
Wednesday, April 20th, 2016: Something about the local farmers… Gas prices… You kept scrolling and took a sip of water from the glass next to you. But that’s when you saw it. You spat your drink all across the screen and tore your eyes wide to make sure they didn’t play a trick on you:  
There was a picture of several children lined up next to each other, wearing backpacks and carrying hiking canes. Its caption was: “Young boy scouts ready to set off for an adventure: Steven Abernathy (8), Miles Jenkins (7), Julien Summers (6), Dwight Fairfield (7) and Charles Robinson (8)”  
You moved even closer to the screen, nose almost touching it. Could it actually be… Dwight? Your heart was racing with excitement. The little boy had dark hair, wore crooked glasses and seemed a little uncomfortable between the other boys. That would mean… Dwight’s abduction by the entity was yet to come! And he actually lived in your timeline!   
Shaky with excitement you leaned back. After all this time you never thought you would actually come this far, if you were quite frank. Still feeling dizzy you wondered what the hell you could potentially do now. He was still a kid after all. Should you travel half across the globe to Clarksville, find his parents and tell them that their son would be abducted by a supernatural, sinister force in about a decade? Should you wait until he was older and try to befriend him and warn him somehow? But what if the entity disapproved your intermeddling and decided to punish you by sucking you back into its realm? The thought made you shudder.

\- 6 months later

Exhaustedly you struggled to keep your eyes open. Some evil person must’ve glued weights to them, you thought as you scuffed into the kitchen to grab another energy drink from the fridge. With a ‘tssssk’ you opened it up and drank half of the can at once. You absolutely hated this piece of shit beverage by now but, hell, you definitely wouldn’t be going to sleep – especially not tonight. Well, you had been avoiding sleep as much as you could anyway in the past months. That one night when you had suffered from the worst kind of sleep paralysis for several hours, had put you in so much terror that you had sworn to yourself to never sleep a second in your whole life again. That, of course, wasn’t entirely possible, but usually you pumped yourself up with enough caffeine to last several days.  
Rubbing your eyes you walked over into the living room and turned on the stereo. The volume was barely turned up at all – you still had to be able to hear potential unusual sounds - but it was enough to get you into the mood. With the can still in your hand you started spinning and dancing around the room and tried your best to drive the tiredness away and keep your mind off tomorrow.  
Two of your friends just hadn’t stopped bugging you so you had finally agreed to meet up with them for a little bit. They had offered to come to your place but that seemed even more impossible to you than leaving the house. The reason why covered like half of your walls. Still spinning around, your eyes darted across the hundreds of notes and articles that you had pinned all across the apartment.  
If you were totally honest, you had absolutely lost control over all of this a long time ago. Since the day you had found out about Dwight, things had started going downhill. The fact that there was technically nothing you could do for him without putting yourself in danger made you beyond crazy. You had spent months browsing thousands of newspapers for your other comrades – but without success. If you were totally honest, you weren’t entirely unhappy about it. Knowing that there was ONE person with a miserable future ahead out there was more than enough.  
Peering down your body, you came to the conclusion that you had not only lost control of your researches but also of your physical and mental health – what a surprise.   
Stained, grey sweatpants slobbered around your legs as you spun ridiculous pirouettes across the carpet. Your free hand kept the waistband tightly clasped to keep the sweats from succumbing to gravitational pull – you had clearly become too thin for those pants. No wonder, since the thought of food made you want to throw up most of the time. Starting to feel silly you raised your arm above your head and started swaying your hand around as you hummed to the song. You didn’t notice that you spilled some of your drink on the floor. Even if you would’ve noticed – you probably wouldn’t have bothered.

\- 11 hours later

Shivering you stepped outside the house for the first time in months. It was colder than you had expected. It was only early October but a cold gust of wind immediately sent chills down your spine and all the way down to your core. Even though the sky was dull, the actual daylight seemed unnaturally bright to you. You considered going back inside to grab a pair of sunglasses but you felt stupid since your friends were already waiting for you on the other side of the street. Oddly you raised your hand for a wave but couldn’t get a smile on your face despite your best efforts.  
When they cheerfully waved back at you, you finally gathered every last bit of courage you had and stepped off the porch. Dried, brown leafs twirled in the air as you uncomfortably approached them. You came to the conclusion, that showering had been a completely unnecessary undertake since your armpits were already coated with cold sweat again. With all your power you forced yourself to not panicky spin your head around and look behind you.  
“(Y/N)!” your friend (f1/n) happily yelled out and spread their arms for a hug. They for sure must have heard the chattering of your teeth as you uneasily returned the hug. (f2/n) had apparently noticed that you were on the verge of tears so they simply said “hello” to you, which you were beyond grateful for.  
You had agreed on going for a walk around the park with them. It was daytime and there were usually a lot of families and dog owners at the park – nothing dangerous right? Little did you know. As the three of you made your way down the street you came to the conclusion that the goosebumps on your skin did not originate from the cold air. With hunched shoulders you walked in between your friends and felt incredibly small. It took you all your strength not to flinch at every rustle and every small noise. You only asked very few questions and gladly let them talk – that meant you didn’t have to say as much. They babbled about vacations, their pets and their partners and you had a feeling that they deliberately picked cheerful topics.   
“I hope it’s not going to start raining” (f2/n) muttered after a while and all three of you looked up at the dark, piling clouds. About five minutes later, the second you set foot on the park’s walkway, a heavy, cold raindrop fell right on your face and made you jump. Silently thanking the beginning storm, you were about to open your mouth and ask to be escorted back home when (f1/n) suddenly squealed: “Aw, shoot! Now that’s so typical, right?” They looked genuinely sad so you hesitated for just one second which was more than enough time to seal your own fate.  
“Let’s go to the movies instead” (f1/n) burst out with the biggest smile on their face. Meanwhile all color had been drawn from your face and you pressed your arms as close to your body as possible to hide that fact that you were shaking vigorously.   
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” (f2/n) asked with a concerned undertone and gave you a quick look. There was absolutely no way you were going to say something right now. You would burst into tears immediately.   
“Of course that’s a good idea!” (f1/n) squealed excitedly. “That will keep your mind off whatever is bothering you, (y/n), and you won’t have to say anything! Doesn’t that sound perfect?” You nodded because, well, that was all true and stuff, but there was one major issue.   
It was pitch black in the cinema halls.

\- 30 minutes later

When you finally got off the tram and arrived at the cinema you were a trembling mess as wave after wave of anxiety washed over you. The train ride had been absolutely terrifying. You had felt like dozens of eyes were only glued on you – on your unhealthy skin, the dark circles underneath your eyes and your ridiculously shaky legs in those oversized pants. Defenselessly exposed to everyone’s hazardous gaze upon you, all you could do was duck your head as low as possible and stare at your feet. The only thing that kept you from turning on your heels and running back home was (f1/n)’s cheerful chattering and the sincerely happy expression on their face. You couldn’t just run off and leave them high and dry, could you? After all this time they still hadn’t given up on you and you knew they only meant well for you. Shouldn’t you be showing a little bit of gratitude for that?  
When (f1/n) and (f2/n) suggested a movie, you absently nodded your head without even having heard the title. You let them force a bag of popcorn on you because you simply didn’t have the strength to protest. It required all of your energy to repress the urge to flee that was roaring and ravaging inside your head. The fear set your brain on ice cold fire and yet your feet were glued to the spot. Almost paralyzed by now, your friends basically had to drag you into the cinema hall.  
“Come on, (y/n), this is a comedy! Just try to relax and let yourself in for it! It makes me so sad to see you like this.”   
“Remember: If you feel TOO uncomfortable, tell us and we’ll immediately go home!” The words never reached your brain.  
Your eyes were transfixed on the gaping black hellhole that you were being dragged into. Cold sweat was dripping from your armpits and streamed down the insides of your arms and your ribs. You heart was drumming and roaring inside your chest like itself was trying to break free from your ribcage and take flight from the invisible dangers lurking in the impenetrable darkness. The sound of your own blood being pumped through your veins was deafening in your ears. By the time your friends had pulled you to your seats, the sound had increased to a deafening crescendo and you quietly let the tears stream freely down your cheeks. No one would be able to see them anyway. And neither were you able to see anything. The darkness felt like velvet. It felt like you were actually wrapped up in in fabric. Panicky you gasped for air and dug your nails into the armrests.  
Finally the screen lit up and the flickering light of advertisements bathed the hall in light. Still shaking violently you forced yourself to glue your eyes to the screen. You were going to keep your eyes on the light like your life depended on it.   
After what felt like an eternity your breathing finally slowed down a little bit. Your grip loosened and even though the movie had started like 20 minutes ago, only now you became aware of the characters on the screen. ‘I actually like that actress’ you thought and leaned back a little bit more comfortably. Minutes trickled by and eventually you felt relaxed enough to exhale a long yawn.  
‘Everything is okay. Nothing can happen to you. You are safe’ you repeated the mantra.

-

When you opened your eyes back up, everything was pitch black. Your heart immediately started racing and if danger had a scent, it would smell exactly like this. Disorientated and panicked you tried to jump up but you were unable to move just one muscle. Paralyzed you weren’t even able to blink. Neither were you able to utter just one sound. You wanted to scream out in horror, you NEEDED to, but the scream that ripped through your throat was silent.   
All of a sudden a flickering light emerged from the darkness in front of you - sparking, white and blue flashes of light. The sound of electrical discharges filled the air and menacing laughter pierced your eardrums. You already knew who it was but sheer terror flooded your nerve system when the man’s silhouette slowly took shape. Broad shoulders emerged from the shadows. His tall frame slowly paced towards you – the sparking eyes already transfixed on you. Laughter after laughter escaped his terrifying, lacerated mouth as he lifted up the obnoxious, spiky, blood coated stick and appreciatively smacked the palm of his own hand with it twice. Despite being unable to move, the tears streamed down your cheeks like cascades and your heart screamed out in horror. The distance between the two of you melted like butter and when he was merely a meter away from you he finally spoke up.  
“Well hello there, doll.” His voice seemed to be echoing directly inside your head and it sounded like pure evil – like Satan himself was speaking to you.   
“Thinking you could hide from me in a movie theatre, huh?” He uttered a sinister chuckle and slowly bent down to you. His electrified, prickling hand caressed your cheek and it felt like the blood in your veins was set on fire. Emitting a silent scream you had no choice but to return his look and endure his touch. Looking him in the eyes from this close felt like falling straight into hell-mouth. Those mesmerizing, bloodthirsty eyes that spoke nothing but sheer malice scanned you from head to toe.  
“How are you doing? You look a little over the hill” he giggled sarcastically. “Is everything going as you imagined? Are you out there enjoying your post-entity life without me? Is this what you wanted, honey?” He literally spat out the last word. “You have done researches about all of your little friends, haven’t you? But never have you ever searched for me. Why haven’t you searched for me, (y/n), don’t you miss me?” His voice trembled with anger as he raised his weapon.  
Almost anticipating the punch you stared up at him with the racing heart of trapped prey.  
“But this isn’t what you are afraid of, am I right?” His eyes darted between his weapon and your terrified expression before he bent back down and brought his face unpleasantly close to yours.   
“You are scared of something else, isn’t that so, doll?” With a triumphant expression he unbuckled his belt, unbuttoned and unzipped his pants all in one second. The cold metal tip of his weapon sent a dangerous tingle through your body as he brought it to your neck and placed it underneath your chin to keep your already paralyzed head in place.  
“You are scared of what I’m going to do to you once I find you, am I right, doll?” The sound of his sneery, triumphant voice filled your head like rotting liquid.   
“You are terrified of how I’m going to use your body when I get ahold of you. Oh, you know I’m going fill every hole of you with my seed! I’ll beat the living daylights out of you, darling, and you won’t do a fucking thing about it because you KNOW you deserve it! YOU’VE BEEN A VERY BAD GIRL, (Y/N)!”  
As he yelled out the last sentence, he withdrew his weapon and sent it flying through the air. One millisecond later he was right above you and wrapped one electrified hand tightly around your neck whilst the other one went straight between your legs. You felt like you were drowning with fear. Your thoughts turned into a chaotic mess as Herman Carter sent electric shockwaves through your aching nervous system. I felt like even your brain itself was convulsing.  
“Do you want to know how I know all of these things?” he laughed out loud.   
No. You absolutely didn’t want to know.  
“Because I’m inside your head, doll. You will never get rid of me! I know you’re secretly craving my treatment, honey, you can’t hide it from me! I’M IN YOUR FUCKING HEAD!” he roared out with laughter and tightly squeezed your neck as his fingers roughly demanded entrance to your pussy.

-

With a loud gasp you winced in your chair and tore your eyes open in panic. Your sudden movement made the bag of popcorn that had been resting untouched on your lap the whole time fall over. Its content spilled all over your legs and the carpet beneath your feet.  
“Oh, (y/n), are you okay?” your friend to your right whispered and reached out their hands to try and help you.   
Still fueled with terror you jumped to your feet. The deafening drumming of your poor, panicked heart drowned all other sounds around you. You didn’t hear the surprised outcalls of your friends and the displeased noises of the other spectators as you hasted past them, nearly tripping over their feet. Out. You just wanted to get out of this cursed nightmare of a place.  
With a hammering heart and sweaty palms you yanked open the doors and finally stumbled into the well-lit lobby. Spinning around you scanned all the concerned faces looking your way. Your breath came in irregular gasps and cold sweat was dripping from your forehead. When an elderly woman slowly started walking towards you it was the final straw.  
A gush of adrenaline carried you away and you had probably never run this fast in your entire life. Your feet flew over the carpet like the devil himself was after you. Almost tripping over, you leaped down the stairs, taking three steps at once. Not even a broken ankle would’ve stopped you from running though. With break-neck speed you burst through the doors and immediately felt the cold autumn wind on your sweaty face.   
When you realized that it was no longer daytime, you nearly cried out in panic even though the surroundings were dimly lit by lanterns and advertisement boards.   
One of the lanterns was flickering.   
Flickering monitors.  
Endless, white corridors.  
Herman Carters hand that grabbed you as you tried to jump off the hospital bed.  
Spurred by another wave of panic you forced your legs to go even faster. Your feet were barely even touching the ground as you flew across the pavement – like a wounded deer on the run from an invisible hunter who was ready to snare you from behind. If you actually looked behind you right now, you would have noticed that your friends burst through the cinema doors, waving their hands and frantically calling your name – but all you could hear was your own heart pounding like a drum.  
You cried out in relieve when you saw that the train that would take you home was still waiting at the station. Its windows were ablaze with light. With your last bit of energy you sprinted towards it, not giving a damn about the puddles you stepped into. A man who saw you running even held the door open for you. 

Completely out of breath you slumped down on a chair and clasped your torso. The sleeves and back of your shirt were drenched with sweat and your breath came in hitches as you buried your face in your hands.  
Slowly the train set off. When you finally managed to raise your head again, everyone quickly looked away, as if they hadn’t been staring at you the whole time. Of course everyone had been staring at your miserable appearance – at your sweat-glistening forehead, your tangled hair that was glued to your face and your terribly shaking form. You probably looked like a drug addict who had just taken an overdose and was about to have a seizure. The way everyone acted made you feel like caged prey, like a zoo animal, like a freak show attraction.  
Anxiously you spun your head around and eyed the man who had held the door open for you. He intensely stared out of the window and fiddled with his wrist watch, very endeavored not to meet your gaze. Your head started spinning.   
‘Why did he hold the door open for me at all?’ You tried to hide your face behind those sweaty strands of hair but just couldn’t get your gaze off the man. Feverishly you eyed him from head to toe. Something about him started terrifying you more and more. The way he sat there just seemed so threatening. He had broad shoulders, just like…  
A sudden tingle ran down your spine and you violently flinched on your seat. ‘Could it be him?’ you thought and painfully dug your nails into your upper arms. When the man raised his hand to scratch his neck, you automatically recoiled and raised your hands in front of your face as if someone was going to punch you. Even though he was several seats away from you, he seemed to be way too close.   
Your legs and hands were shaking uncontrollably as you kept your gaze transfixed on him for several minutes, always hoping he would get off the train at the next stop but he never did.  
“Mommy, what’s up with that woman? Is she sick?” You panicky spun your head around.  
“Shhh!” A mother grabber her little daughter by the hand and pulled her off into a different part of the train.  
You couldn’t hold your tears back anymore. Heart-wrenching sobs echoed in the air and you literally felt how everyone uncomfortably turned their heads away. You just wanted this to be over. You just wanted to go home and never ever in your entire life go outside again.  
The train slowly came to a halt. When the doors opened you didn’t think twice. You hurled yourself off the seat, leaped through the doors and took off running. Your ankles ached angrily when you hit the hard pavement. You had gotten off one stop too early but you couldn’t care less. Assembling every last grain of energy you started sprinting down the street, coat and hair flying behind you. Whenever you leaped over the shadows in between two lanterns, your heart started hammering even faster than it already did. The wind dried the old tears on your cheeks but couldn’t stop new ones from flowing.  
When you finally arrived at your porch, it took you several minutes to dig up the key ring from your pocket and several more to find the right key and put it in the lock with trembling, sweaty hands. During the whole process you spun your head around every couple seconds, seized with panic. The bushes in the front yard rustled threateningly as the wind blew through them and the trees cast menacing shadows in the dull lantern light. When the damned door finally swung open with a gentle creak you started sobbing loudly, burst inside and slammed it shut.  
Without taking any further notice of your environment, you slumped against the wall and clasped your head with jittering hands. Sob after sob wrenched from your sore throat and your head hurt terribly. 

Well, and now that’s where you had made a mistake. If you were in your right senses when you entered the apartment, you would have noticed that the table lamp by the coatrack was turned off. Why on earth would it be turned off? 

If danger had a scent, it would smell just like this.  
“Now, now, why are you crying, doll?”   
You smelled the chloroform even before the soaked cloth covered your mouth and nose. Unable to utter just one sound, you felt your back bump against a muscular torso as an arm wrapped around you from behind and pulled you into a dazing embrace. Unconsciousness immediately started obscuring your senses and blackened out your vision. Your hearing was last to fail you.  
“There’s no need to cry, doll. I am here now. I am here.”


	2. Occam's razor

Disorientated you tore your eyes open to the sight of plain white walls. The beeping sound of some device rang in your ears and for some reason you were immediately hyper-aware of the drain-tube in the crook of your arm. Tears welled up in your eyes and panic clutched your heart as the memory hit you: Herman Carter had abducted you and now you were in his institute.

“OH MY GOD, (Y/N), you’re awake!” Thunderstruck you spun your head around, tore your eyes even wider open and stared at the person who had been sitting beside your bed this whole time.

“M-mom?” you croaked as your mother hasted over to you and pulled you into an embrace. Your heart was still hammering wildly as you asked: “What are YOU doing here?!” Bewildered she met your gaze and answered: “What do you think I’m doing here? When we heard what happened we immediately drove to the hospital!” Blinking confusedly you followed her gaze as she turned around and yelled: “(y/father’s/n)! Come here, she’s awake!”  
Seconds later the door burst open and your father stormed inside. Utter relive spread across his face as he saw you hale and hearty sitting on the bed with your eyes wide open.

“D-dad?!” you stammered even more bewildered and put your hand on your head which was throbbing terribly. “What the HELL is going on in here?” you choked out, feeling more confusion than relieve to see them.

“Where is he?” you hissed and panicky pulled your knees into your chest.

“Where is… who?” your mother asked with concern in her eyes and exchanged worried looks with your father.

“Where is HE? Where is THE DOCTOR?” you screamed out and felt the sweat start dripping from every pore.

“Oh my god, (y/n), what’s wrong? Are you in pain? (y/f/n), quick, go get the Doctor!” your mother shouted and hastily bent down to put her hand on your forehead. Your father quickly nodded, turned on his heels and rushed outside.

“Mom! Mom, no!” you tried to jerk your head away. “Dad, no, come back! COME BACK! Don’t, don’t bring him to me!” tears welled up in your eyes and you started sobbing piteously as you tried to kick the blanket off your body. What kind of sick game was he playing with you? He abducted you and brought you to what seemed like a real hospital and even invited your parents over? 

“Honey, what’s wrong? Don’t stand up yet, (y/n), please lie back down” your mother called out and sounded like she was about to start crying herself as she grabbed you by your arm and tried to keep you from jumping off the bed. The heart rate monitor next to your bed was beeping furiously.

“MOM! Let go, you don’t understand! He mustn’t see me! I – He’s going to kill me!” Your voice cracked as you screamed and vigorously tried to free yourself from her grip.

“Honey, no one is going to KILL you!” she cried out. “Please, for the love of god, lie back down!”

As the panic still welled in your blood, the door swung open and your father entered the room, panting like he had just done a sprint, with an elderly man on his heels. The man’s white coat fluttered as he hurried inside. Frozen in place you started at him, not daring to blink. You even forgot to breathe for several seconds.

“Ah, Miss (y/l/n), you are awake” he spoke up. His voice sounded professional and soothing. “Everything is okay, don’t worry! As you have probably already figured out, you’re in hospital. Your parents are here. There’s no reason to panic.” He gave you a friendly smile. “How do you feel? You might feel a little dizzy but don’t worry about it too much. It is normal since you just woke up.”

“Who..?“ You finally found your own voice again. “Who the hell are you?” you gasped as your eyes darted from the man to your dad to your mom and back to the man. He had short hair that was barely visible due to it being white and he was quite a bit shorter than your dad.

“I am Head Physician Doctor Perry, Miss (y/l/n)” the man in the white coat replied and gave you another friendly smile as he blinked his eyes in a trusty manner. You simply stared at him, unable to hide your bafflement.

“You- you called for a Doctor, so...” your mother stuttered, unsure of what to say.

“Where is... where is Herman Carter?!” you hissed through gritted teeth since the elderly, small Doctor in front of you was most definitely not the man you had expected to see.

Doctor Perry cocked his head slightly. “There is no Herman Carter in this department, Miss (y/l/n).”

“But...” New tears welled up in your eyes as you looked at him and your parents in bewilderment. “He was there!” you exclaimed. “I was running back home from the train station and he was in MY apartment! I know he was there, I heard him! I SMELLED him!” Your mother’s hand on your arm couldn’t stop you from trembling violently. “He narcotized me! I know he did! I REMEMBER it!” Panicky your eyes darted around seeking for confirmation, but all they found was concern and pity.

Eventually your dad cleared his throat and spoke up: “(y/n)... You never went back to your apartment.”  
“Wha...” was the only thing you managed to whisper before you felt something deep down inside your mind crumble and you were soon to realize that it was your sanity.

“You fell unconscious on the train and a friendly gentleman and a lady called an ambulance” your father continued while your mother soothingly petted your arm.

“That’s – that’s impossible” you stammered shakily, voice trembling with helplessness and anger. That was absolutely impossible... Except for if the so called gentleman and the lady were liars. The gentleman definitely had to be HIM, right? And the lady had to be his accomplice!

“What did they look like?” you hissed. When they didn’t answer immediately, you screamed out: “WHAT DID THEY LOOK LIKE? FUCKING TELL ME!”

Your mother started stammering because of your outburst and stared at your father and Doctor Perry helplessly who gestured calmingly as he said: “Miss (y/l/n), for your own health’s sake, please lie back down and try to breathe calmly.” Directed towards your parents he added: “Go ahead and tell her. I think that would be best.”

You didn’t want them to sedate you or something so you unwillingly sled back into your original position on the mattress and waited for their response with hammering heart.

Finally your father spoke up: “Well, the lady, she was in her thirties or something. Brown hair, I think, average height - Just a normal woman, really.” He looked sort of distressed as he spoke.

“And the man?” you hissed. “What about the MAN?!” You didn’t really care about the woman anyway.

“Well, he was quite tall. Could’ve been an athlete or so. Hard to estimate his age though. Dark hair, right (y/mother’s/name)?” Your mother nodded reassuringly and both of them stared at you in anticipation. Well, the description fitted the man who had held the door open for you. He had seemed suspicious to you from the very start! But was it... him? Did he get off the train with you and somehow get into your apartment before you? It didn’t sound... that possible but your heart was still beating wildly.

“I...” you started stammering. “I know that I got off the train! I ran home and he was there!” You had a big lump in your throat and you knew if you said anything more, you would start sobbing immediately.

“Honey...” your mother started. “You are talking about that man from your nightmares, right? He doesn’t exist!”

“HOW DO YOU KNOW HE DOESN’T EXIST?” you screamed out furiously and let the tears stream down your cheeks.

“It CAN’T go on like this” your father interposed. “We made a mistake letting you live on your own. Your condition has gotten WORSE, (y/n), you brought yourself to hospital with your hallucinations!”

“I’m - I am not hallucinating...” you sobbed but deep down you knew that you had lost. There would be no talking out of it this time. You needed professional help and you knew it but at the same time you knew that no professional would never even consider that you were telling the truth.

Sobbing uncontrollably you collapsed on the bed and covered your pale, tear-streaked face with both hands. It felt like the borders between sanity and insanity inside your mind finally went to pieces. Everything came tumbling down and the rickety construct of theories and explanations you had built up in your head during the past 1 year and 7 months disintegrated.  
You remembered something that you had read about a long time ago: “Occam’s razor”, a problem solving principle from the 14th century. Often misquoted in pop culture, but the misquotation seemed quite fitting right now: The simplest solution is most likely the right one. Why would there exist a time- and space manipulating sinister being that abducts humans only to put them in repetitious cycles of murder and resurrection when there was a much simpler solution?

You were most definitely crazy.

\- The next day

You hadn’t gotten such good night’s sleep for years. The sleeping pills had granted you a peaceful, dreamless night. And a morning and noon too, in fact, since you had been sleeping for what had to be at least 14 hours. Still scolding yourself for never having taken sleep pills during the past months, you blankly stared at the wall across your bed. You had always been afraid that they would make you sleep so tightly that not even your own screams would let you wake up from the nightmares. Drumming your fingers on the blanket, you regarded the generic painting on the wall – a colorful patch of flowers that was probably supposed to have an uplifting effect on the patients’ moods.  
With a sigh you looked towards the door. Your parents where nowhere to be seen so you figured they were either at work or had gone on a walk. Normally a new environment like this would have freaked you out beyond all measure but you felt eerily empty right now. The thought that you were in fact crazy had lodged itself in your head like a fat, sickening ulcer and sent benumbing poison through your nervous system. You had put your family and friends through so much sorrow and worry, you were in fact sickened by yourself. How could your brain and sanity fail you like this? What on earth was wrong with you? How was your brain able to make up all of this insane stuff? You almost felt like laughing out loud as you regarded your tiny wrists.  
‘I am indeed a shadow of my former self’ you thought and creased your face into a grimace that was a mixture of a smile and disgust.  
A sound pulled you out of your thoughts and you spun your head around. A smiling, young nurse appeared in the door frame, holding a clipboard in her hands. 

“Good morning, Miss (y/l/n)” she spoke up and stared down on her clipboard. “So... Doctor Perry informed us that you agreed to seek talks with a psychologist, is that correct?”

There was no expression on your face when you slowly nodded your head in a defeated manner. You had in fact consented to see a psychologist but you definitely didn’t want your parents to accompany you. They had already heard enough of your craziness and you didn’t want to put them through all that again.

“Fantastic” the young woman smiled encouragingly. “We made an appointment for you at 3pm! We will send someone to pick you up and bring you to the psychological department later, okay?” A quick glance on the watch told you that it was 1pm. You nodded again. Physically you hadn’t sustained any damage from the breakdown on the train – one or two bruises perhaps but that was it. There was no reason why the psychologist should come to your room instead of you seeing them in their office.

“Well... Until then I am going to bring you lunch. You must be starving.” The nurse smiled, obviously aware of how long you had been sleeping.

“Sounds great” you rasped. She was about to exit the room when you called after her with a hoarse voice: “One – one more question. The psychologist – what is their name?”

She blinked confusedly for a second, looked down on her clipboard and then answered: “Dr. Carter. Why?”

You froze in place and felt like your heart skipped several beats before it started thundering like a machine gun in your chest. With the utmost exertion you managed to rasp: “For no particular reason.”

\- 5 minutes later

‘Who’s the crazy one now’ you thought triumphantly as you hovered above the abyss. It was clear as day that there was some sort of conspiracy going on whose sole purpose was to drive you mad. You had felt from the very start that something about this whole situation was wrong so you didn’t think twice and listened to your gut instinct. How could it be a coincidence that your assigned psychologist’s name is Dr. Carter? An eerie chuckle forced its way out of your throat. You wouldn’t stay here for all the tea in China.  
To your own surprise the window had been easy to open. You would have expected there to be a lock or something, especially because this was a hospital after all, but maybe there was none because you were only on the second floor? However, without hesitating you had climbed outside and were now balancing on the slippery window sill which was a lot smaller than it had looked from the inside. The cold autumn air sent shivers down your spine and blew through the paper-thin hospital gown.  
Why hadn’t you just taken the door? Well. Now that you were out here, millimeters away from the abyss with goosebumps all over your skin you weren’t so sure anymore. You had been certain that there had to be people in the hallways who would hold you back and usher you back to your room. There was probably a big sign on your forehead saying “Treat with caution! She’s a crackpot!” And what if the nurse came back with the food in the second you tried to run off? The window had seemed like an appealing free escape one minute ago –especially since there was a tree right in front of it. If you could just... do one big jump forwards... you would be able to hold onto one of the branches and... climb down the tree!  
Gulping down heavily you peeked over the edge. It seemed a lot deeper than you had expected – and the tree wasn’t quite as close as you had thought.  
As you were still standing out there, shivering and hesitating, you suddenly heard a loud bang coming from inside. The nurse had returned and had dropped the food tray with shock.

“MISS (Y/L/N)! What on earth are you doing? Get back in here!” Panicky she leaped over the scattered food on the floor and reached the open window within a second.

It was now or never. These fucking creeps were all working for Herman Carter and nothing in the world would make you go back to him. Fueled by panic and fear you bent your knees and prepared to jump right off the edge – hands already reached out in order to grasp those branches.  
A terrified scream tore from your throat when your bare, numb feet slipped on the dank window sill. Adrenaline rushed through your whole body and panicky you tried to hold onto something but there was nothing but thin air. The world turned upside down and your own scream mixed with the nurse’s as your body rotated in the air and for a brief moment you felt like you were being torn into the abyss by the entity’s demonic talon. You barely managed to raise your arms and protectively wrap them around your head before you hit the pavement with an ear-splitting, nauseating snapping sound. 

From one millisecond to another the world went pitch black and was no more.

\- Many hours later

Still feeling slightly numb and tired from the anesthesia and the painkillers you stared at your sobbing mother and your father who was bent double on a chair. Their sight made your heart inside your chest ache ten times as bad as the splintered bones in your arm, the bruised side of your body and your concussed head all together.

“I – I just can’t believe you’re doing this to us” your mother sobbed piteously and buried her face in her hands. “It’s a MIRACLE that you solely broke an arm, (y/n)! It could’ve been your neck! Are you completely nuts?!” your father yelled out.

“For the 100th time“, you mumbled defensively. “I didn’t try to commit suicide!” Your voice didn’t come out as clear as you wanted it to.

“Then why did you jump out of the god forsaken window?!” your mother nearly screamed. There were two unknown doctors and the young nurse standing next to your parents. You didn’t really pay attention to them but you sure could tell that the nurse looked a little bit traumatized.

“I. Did not. Jump.” You continued to justify yourself: “I slipped and fell!” Desperation and anger contorted your parents’ features. 

“I – I panicked. As I said” you stammered. “I am NOT going to see Dr. Carter! That’s absolutely out of the question!” Encircled by everyone’s uncomprehending, angry faces you continued: “Everyone is against me in here! None of you take me seriously! I KNOW it is him! Do you think I’m that stupid? Do you think I’m going to walk into his trap when it’s so obvious? You’re all working for him, aren’t you? You’re just trying to play tricks on me! You make me SICK!” 

Everything went silent for several seconds before your mother’s gut-wrenching sobs echoed in the air again.

“YOU’RE ALL WORKING FOR HERMAN CARTER! All of you are plotting against me! Why are you doing that? Why do you hate me so much?” Despite the painkillers your entire insides stung terribly as sob after sob wrenched from your throat.

“Miss (y/l/n)...” one of the doctors finally spoke up. “The psychologist you were supposed to see – her name is Dr. Rosemary Carter.” 

\- The next day

Resignedly you stared at the sterile, white wall of your new room. It didn’t have any sort of pictures or painting on it which added even more to the dull atmosphere.  
After your meltdown yesterday, you had been so ashamed that you stopped talking to anyone. The sheer thought of it made your cheeks turn bright red with shame. Never have you ever been so embarrassed by yourself. You had literally almost killed yourself because of your goddamn stupid fucking paranoia. ‘Carter’ was a quite popular name after all and you hadn’t even considered that it could be someone who simply had the same last name as... him. How high were the chances of him being in THIS exact hospital? How high were the chances of him even living in this city? How high were the chances of him even being alive? How high were the chances... of him and all your other memories being merely a hallucination of yours? - Occam’s razor.  
Thanks to your paranoia your parents now thought that you were suicidal but, good god, you weren’t! You did not want to cast your second chance on earth away like that. But how much was your life worth, when your mental illness affected your quality of life like that? You were terrified of the dark, suffered from constant nightmares and apparently had straight up hallucinated that Herman Carter had kidnapped you in your apartment. Without a doubt, you were a wreck and needed help.

You slowly turned your throbbing head when you heard quiet voices from outside the door. Your father, who was seated on a chair in the hallway, apparently talked to someone. Whilst your mother went home to get some well-deserved rest, he was ‘on guard’ to make sure you wouldn’t make away again. Needless to say, the new room’s windows were locked tight and shut. The fact that you had distressed him so much that he couldn’t even look you in the eyes anymore at this point hurt you more than anything else.  
Eventually the door gently swung open and a slender, Asian looking, white-coated man entered. He introduced himself as Dr. Mei and gave you a friendly smile.  
‘This is going to be the first step of my self-therapy’ you thought to yourself. ‘This man right there can impossibly be Herman Carter.’ Or could he? ‘No he can’t!’

“Good morning, Miss (y/l/n). How do you feel?” He hesitated for a second when you didn’t reply. “I... have a somewhat unusual question, if you don’t mind?”

Immediately you felt your senses sharpen and you felt only half as tired and numb as before.

“I have already posed this question to your parents but their answer was rather...” He hesitated again. “Let’s say it was not what I expected to hear.”

Sitting straight upright and tensed on the bed you stared at Dr. Mei in anticipation.

“I am the one who took the x-rays after your fall... And I was wondering: Did you have any broken ribs in the nearer past?” You literally felt your jaw drop and all color withdrew from your face.

“I know it must be an odd question, especially since your parents already assured me that they would know if anything like that had happened... And there is no entry in your medical files concerning broken ribs either but... The x-ray clearly shows that one of your ribs had been broken and didn’t grow back together very well. It looks like dilettante work.”

This was it. It was the ultimate proof that you were NOT crazy. Herman Carter had broken your rib when you visited him in his office for the very first time. ‘I’m not a surgeon but I will try my best’ – his voice echoed in your mind. Automatically your hand wandered to the mentioned rib.

“Exactly – right there” Dr. Mei confirmed and seemed kind of relieved.

What kind of mind fuckery was going on in here? You didn’t bring the horrible burn scars and the terribly crooked nose from the entity’s realm either. So why on earth did the entity not fix your rib? Did it do sloppy work and... forget about it? Or did it do so deliberately? You were almost certain that it was sheer purpose. No matter if human or demon, everyone’s sole intention obviously was to fuck with your sanity and play games with you. The perfect evidence for all of your memories was right INSIDE your body and yet no one would believe you because the affair simply went beyond their imaginative power.  
You emitted some sort of snort and disapprovingly shook your head, then shrugged your shoulders and bit down on your lip to keep you from crying. Dr. Mei looked at you in anticipation, obviously still waiting for some sort of verbal reaction of yours that you didn’t intend to provide him. The next sound that came from your mouth was a mixture of sob and laughter and you intensely stared out of the window, avoiding eye contact by all means.

“Would you mind telling me what happened and what kind of doctor did such amateurish work?” Dr. Mei tried again and stared at you sort of helplessly. You emitted another snort at his remark. He had used exactly the right words.

“What kind of doctor, you’re asking?” you snapped and spun your head around furiously. “I’m going to tell you what kind of doctor did this to me! A fucking psychopath! He raped me and broke my bones and burnt my skin, felt guilty and tried to fix me up and then raped me over and over again! But if I were you I wouldn’t trust my words because I’m CRAZY! Ask whoever you want, they’ll all tell you the same! According to them, my rib probably broke itself by spontaneous self-destruction or whatever! So if you don’t mind, me and my hallucinations would like to be left alone now!” You screamed out the last words with trembling voice and covered your face with both hands, immediately feeling bad for having yelled at him like that.

“HEY! What is going on in here?” Your father, who had obviously heard the shouting, appeared in the doorframe.

“I’d best go now” Dr. Mei mumbled and hastily pushed past him. “Excuse me. Good day, Sir.”

“What did he tell you?” your father addressed you mistrustfully.

“He told me the nicest thing anyone has ever told me recently” you answered truthfully. “Now leave me alone dad, I’m a psycho. Leave me alone.”

\- A few days later

Despite your miserable physical condition and the fact that you were still on painkillers, the doctors had insisted on you to seek psychological treatment as soon as possible. They obviously reckoned your mental condition as dangerous and you couldn’t blame it on them.  
Since you had refused to leave your room, the blonde, full-faced psychologist who had introduced herself as Dr. Rosemary Carter was now seated diagonally opposite your bed. She had a likeable appearance and emitted trustworthy vibes – every psychologist’s most important trait, you assumed. Almost immediately she had proposed to get on first name terms with each other, obviously already aware of your aversion for her last name.

“Why don’t we begin at the very start” is what she had said and there you were now – ready to make a laughing stock of yourself once again.

Taking a very deep breath before letting out a long sigh you finally answered: “You’re not going to believe me anyway. No one ever does.”

She gave you a reassuring smile and replied: “Regardless of what you say is true or not, I am not here to judge you. For today I am solely a listener.” You didn’t quite know how to respond to that and fiddled around with the blanket on your legs.

“Your momentarily condition negatively affects your quality of life, doesn’t it?” she asked and there was no denying that so you feebly nodded your head.

“Do you WANT to lead a happier life again?”

Helplessly shrugging your shoulders you mumbled: “Of course I want to be happy again. Of course I want to live care-free and normally again – I want everything to be the way it was before... before...”

“Before what?” Dr. Rosemary slightly cocked her head and something about her eyes and the way she looked at you with honest interest made your barriers finally break. The words came flowing from your mouth like a waterfall. You had no idea for how long you ended up talking but Dr. Rosemary never interrupted you just once. To your own surprise you saw no judgement on her face, no confusion and no mock. She simply sat there with her hands folded on her lap and her legs crossed and took notes every now and then. 

You told her how you had woken up in an alien, dark place with no clue of how you had come there. The memory of your very first game of murder sent chills down your spine and tears into your eyes. They streamed freely when you recollected the mortal agony you had felt when you saw the others being impaled on the meat hooks for the first time and you tasted salt in your mouth when you described your very own first death on the hook – how a merciless murderer had stroke you down and how the metal had inflicted ineffable pain as it pierced flesh and splintered bone. Resignation collected in your abdomen as you talked about the never changing and never ending slaughtering feast – about how frustrated and hopeless all of you had been. None of your comrades was left out – everyone had earned their place in your narrative. And you wouldn’t be able to convey all of this so fluently and vividly if you had only made it up, right?  
Eventually you reached the point when you had been raped by Herman Carter for the first time. The recollection made the tears stream even more and you told her about what had felt like years in his company – how you had grown sort of close of him and gained his trust and how you had eventually used it against him and slaughtered him like the animal he was.  
Lastly you summarized the one and a half years back in the real world. Trembling and crying you described the constant fear of being monitored and followed – the way you saw his silhouette in every shadow and the way the memory of his voice denied your mind and body rest. You even talked about how you had found Dwight in that local newspaper and about your badly healed ribs – the ultimate proofs for your memories. Eventually you recollected the events that had brought you into hospital and how you had climbed out of the window in blind fear of Herman Carter – even though there was absolutely no evidence of him being even alive. 

When you were done you were shaking and sobbing but for the very first time you didn’t feel ashamed after sharing your experiences.

“Do you believe that I am telling the truth at all?” you eventually asked resignedly.

“I believe that YOU believe that you are telling the truth.”

\- 3 weeks later

Slightly nodding your head to the rhythm of the song, you flicked through one of the magazines your parents had brought you. The ear facing the window was occupied by an ear-phone and you had decided to listen to some fast and catchy music. Today was one of the still quite rare days when you didn’t feel totally miserable but somewhat like a normal human. Your arm, of course, wasn’t healed up yet, but technically in-patient stay at the hospital wasn’t necessary anymore. Theoretically you could go home and only call in for check-ups but your parents had begged the doctors to extend your stay. You didn’t really want to go back to living alone either and you knew that your parents would be hopelessly overwhelmed with you if you moved back in with them. Hence you didn’t mind the fact that you could stay longer. You had grown sort of familiar with the nurses – the female ones at least – and let them call you by your first name. By now you had a roommate too – Theresa, she occupied the bed by the window. But Theresa wasn’t here right now. Her husband and daughter had come for a visit and they had gone on a walk all together not long ago. Neither your parents nor your friends were here either which was a pity and relieve at the same time for you. Having company and loved people around you was fantastic but it also made you feel bad since you never knew what to talk about. The only thing that occupied your mind was the discord with your own self. Constantly torn between accepting the fact that you were mentally ill and needed therapy and your own god damn memories, it sometimes felt like your soul was being ripped apart.  
At least you had Dr. Rosemary with whom you could speak about everything without feeling guilty. If it wasn’t for her, you would’ve never agreed to take the antipsychotics. You didn’t think any other therapist would’ve been able to convince you. The pills were supposed to work against the paranoia and prevent you from having hallucinations but you couldn’t help but be skeptical about them even though days like today could be proof for their effectiveness.

Letting out a deep sigh you flipped pages and tapped your foot on the mattress with the beat of the song. All of a sudden a sound caught your attention and you turned your head towards the door, not bothering to remove the ear-phone yet. Apparently someone had knocked on the door. 

“Yeah?” you shouted and cocked your head in a somewhat weird angle while waiting for whomever to come in.

A tall, broad-shouldered figure slowly appeared in the door frame. The man in front of you was dark-skinned, seemed quite muscular and had no hair. Underneath the doctor’s coat he wore vest, shirt and tie – not many doctors around here bothered to dress this elegantly. His age was hard to guess but you estimated him to be in his thirties or so.  
For some odd reason the sight of this unknown man didn’t freak you out the way it would have used to do. Strangely the only question that crossed your mind was whether he was naturally bald or had shaved his hair off. Almost laughing you thought: ‘Maybe I’m just high from the painkillers and the psycho-pills today.’ Yes, that’s what you called them – psycho-pills for your most definitely psycho self. Finally you removed the ear-phone.

“Excuse me...” the man cleared his throat. “Are you Miss... Xantippe Tuckerman-Gatley?”

You couldn’t help but snort loudly as you burst out laughing. What kind of ridonculous name was that? And also: wasn’t there a sign with your name at the door?

“I’m sorry, Sir, I’m afraid I am not” you snorted again and had visible and audible trouble keeping the laughter in. You had no idea when you had even felt the urge to laugh sincerely for the last time. 

“Are you sure about that?” the white-coated man probed into it again and crossed his arms in front of the broad chest. “My colleague told me there would be a Miss Xantippe Tuckerman-Gatley on this room.” An undefinable smile spread across his face.

“No, I can assure you my name is not Xantippe. And even if it was, I would immediately make an application for name change” you replied snickering and added in your head: ‘For christ’s sake, who is the high one in here? Me or this creep over there?’

“Well, seems like I shouldn’t have TRUSTED my colleague then!” the man exclaimed and put exaggerated emphasis on ‘trust’ while taking a step forwards. The grin on his face grew even wider, revealing his teeth. 

All of a sudden something deep inside your guts clenched and it felt like someone had punched you in the stomach. It was like someone had shoved their hand inside your torso, grabbed a hand full of organs and squeezed them together with all their might. Trying to hold in the urge to throw up you shot up from your comfortable position and squatted on the mattress like a big cat ready to set for jump. The way the man grinned at you gave you the most terrible and intense déjá-vu you’ve ever had. Something about his sharp features and his teeth had set you completely off and it was like your body had spontaneously forgotten how to process the oxygen in your lungs.  
Anxiously staring at the aggressor between yourself and the door, you waited for him to say any more or make his next move. Trembling and white as a sheet, you were utterly aware of the lack of flight routes since the window was locked.

“Well, I am terribly sorry to have disturbed you, Miss...” he sneered and took a step outside to read the sign. “(y/l/n)” he added with a smirk. “Miss (y/n) (l/n), have a wonderful day!” With that being said he took another step back, gave you another somewhat triumphant grin and finally left the room and shut the door. 

Well shit. As soon as the door clicked you burst out crying and eagerly sucked air into your lungs. It felt like your heart was rattling on your ribcage like a prisoner on the cell bars. The day had started so nicely. Why did this motherfucker have to show up and ruin everything?  
You resisted the urge to snatch the phone and text Dr. Rosemary “He was here! It was him! This time I am 100% sure” like you had done several times before. Instead you opened the nightstand drawer with trembling, sweaty hands, fetched your notepad from it and opened the first page.  
‘Occam’s razor’ was scribbled all over it as well as several calming and rational arguments to read when you have a panic attack. On the bottom of the page your parents and friends had left their names and a bunch of scribbled quotes, hearts and smileys.  
Eventually your heart rate slowed down a little bit as you gently caressed the paper with your fingers. 

Step 1: Repeat the mantra. This man most definitely was not Herman Carter. This man most definitely was not Herman Carter. This man most definitely was not Herman Carter. 

Step 2: Distract yourself. Hesitantly you reached out for the magazine that had fallen on the floor and laid back down a little bit more comfortably.

Emitting a deep sigh you flipped it open and started reading. You were quite proud of yourself.

\- One week later

Today was one of the bad days. Even though you had proudly told Dr. Rosemary how well you had handled the situation last week, the memory of it still held you in its grasp. Didn’t the man act REALLY weird compared to all the other male staff that had given you panic attacks before? Something about his tone of voice had awoken a primal fear in you that was not so easy to be forgotten. Still wondering how you had managed to stay so calm last week, you peered around the corner.  
Technically you were allowed to leave your room whenever you pleased to go on walks or go to the cafeteria – but what you were doing right now definitely wasn’t covered by the definition of healthy behavior. You had been sneaking around the vast corridors and hallways of the hospital for quite a while now, had roamed around the different floors and had been shooed away from sections you weren’t supposed to enter, never getting rid of the feeling of being watched and followed. ‘Useless psycho-pills’ you muttered in your head.  
On the other hand, only a few weeks ago you wouldn’t even have dared to think about wandering around such a large building filled with potentially dangerous strangers all on your own. It might be due to the pills, but you found it more likely to be because you had realized that your room was an even unsafer place to be than the vast corridors. If an actual threat entered your room, there was nowhere you could go since there was only one entrance. You had absolutely no weapons in there either so you actually found yourself feeling safer out here.  
After finally deciding that the coast was clear you turned the corner and entered another hallway. You were now in the psychological department. You had tried to suppress the urge to come here for a long time but now you felt like every route would’ve brought you here eventually. Carefully not to tread too loudly you walked past the offices and cautiously read the names by the doors. It was already late in the evening so there shouldn’t be too many people up here anymore who could catch you red-handed giving into your paranoia. Still mad at yourself for being so unobservant you tried to remember the name on the name tag attached to the eerie man’s coat. It was something starting with an E – or maybe an F? ‘For fuck’s sake’ you thought as you tiptoed past the next door. You weren’t even able to recall if it was a short or a long name. This was literally going to get you nowhere. Of course, you could just describe the man to Dr. Rosemary and ask her if she knows him but a part of you was too embarrassed to do so. She had looked so sincerely proud when you had told her how you managed to calm yourself down last week.  
Unsure of what to do next you walked a little further and that’s when you heard it. There were voices coming from ahead so you peeked around the next corner.

There she was. Despite the late hour, Dr. Rosemary was standing in the middle of the hallway having a lively conversation with another woman – a colleague, you assumed. Curiously you tried to prick your ears.

“... never seen anything like this before!” Her voice quietly echoed through the corridor.

“... the most fascinating case of paranoia and ... I’ve ever treated.”

All of a sudden it felt like you had a knot in your stomach and nausea boiled up in your throat. Stars danced in front of your eyes as a wave of anger washed over you.

“...loss of reality is beyond comparison... So fascinating, in a medical kind of way!”

Everything seemed to be bathed in red light all of a sudden – as if someone had drawn a crimson veil in front of your eyes. Fuming with anger you stepped out of the shadows and shouted out: “HEY! YOU!” Both women flinched and spun their heads around.

“(Y/n), what are you doing up here?” Dr. Rosemary begun and pacifyingly raised her hands. Ignoring her question you stomped towards them, feeling like a provoked bull, ready to attack the matador swaying the red flag.

“IS THIS WHAT I AM TO YOU?!” you screamed out furiously. “A fascinating ‘medical case’? Is this all I am to you?”

“I wasn’t –“ she tried again but you immediately cut her short. “Don’t tell me it wasn’t ME you were talking about!” you screamed out flaming mad. The feeling of betrayal was written all over your face.

“Why does NO ONE EVER even consider that I’m telling the truth? All you ever want to do is figure out with which mental illness to diagnose me!” Your blowup left everyone speechless for a second.

“DO YOU THINK YOU KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT THE UNIVERSE? Do you think mankind is even close to unraveling all of the world’s secrets? Does your pathetic human brain think humanity is the peak of evolution? Mankind doesn’t know SHIT! When ANYONE speaks about having seen ghosts or aliens or having had paranormal experiences, the very first thing all of you do is DECLARE THEM SICK AND CRAZY! Have you ever thought of expanding your horizon? Have you ever considered that there is more than the eye can see? Your presumptuousness makes me SICK! Your ARROGANCE! Did you forget about the thing with my rib? HOW THE HELL DO YOU EXPLAIN THAT?” 

Panting heavily you made a short pause for effect and scanned their shocked, speechless visages. 

“I- I know it was probably stupid and naive” you continued. “But I regarded you as a friend, Rosemary!” you spat out her name with a grimace of disgust on your face. “But if that’s all I am to you – a fascinating case of paranoia and loss of reality – I don’t ever want to talk to you again! That’s what you get for trusting someone – they’ll stab you in the back eventually!”

You were sobbing by now but weren’t one bit less angry. “I wish there was SOMEONE on this godforsaken planet who knows WHAT THE HELL I’M TALKING ABOUT! Is there ANYONE who thinks I’m NOT A FUCKING PSYCHO?” Your breath came in hitches as if you had just sprinted a mile.

Dr. Rosemary had a somewhat tormented expression on her face and a thin layer of sweat glistened on her forehead. Her younger colleague was white as a sheet helplessly looked back and forth in between the two of you, obviously unsure if she was qualified enough to intervene.

“You can go and FUCK yourselves!” you spat out furiously, spun around and took off running as fast as your feet could carry you.

\- Meanwhile

Meanwhile very nearby, a man who was lost in thought was sitting at the desk in his office and played with a pen. Neither you, nor Dr. Rosemary or her colleague knew he had been listening. He liked to turn the lights off in the evening and stare outside the window while pondering on things – plotting things. No one knew why he always stayed at the hospital for so long, but where else should he go? What kind of difference would it make if he stayed here or went home?  
A smile spread across his face as he thought about the argument he had just witnessed. It grew wider and even wider until the man was unable to suppress his laughter any longer. No one saw him and no one heard him though – except for the man in the moon perhaps.

\- 2 weeks later

When the beeping alarm-clock made you shoot straight up in your bed, an instant wave of relieve washed over you. Not because it had saved you from your nightmares but rather because today was the day you could finally leave this godforsaken hospital. Since you had overheard Dr. Rosemary’s conversation, the only thing you wanted was to get out of here. On the day after your blowup you had apologized to her for screaming at her like that but other than that you had kept your word and not spoken to her again. You had refused to see any of the other hospital therapists too. Why would they treat you any differently? They had probably already heard everything about you – the most fascinating case of paranoia and loss of reality ever. Medical secrecy obviously wasn’t a big priority up there.  
You were very well aware of the fact that the place where you would be going might end up being even worse than the hospital but you didn’t care for now. All you wanted was to get away from here. After what had felt like years, the psychiatric clinic had finally communicated that there was a vacant space for you and today was the day you would move. The clinic was supposed to be specialized in treating paranoia and hallucinations. They had even arranged an ambulance service for you to take you there whilst your parents would go and get some more things from your old home and bring them around later today after work. They didn’t think it would be a good idea if you went back into the apartment since it was literally coated in memories and proofs of your obsessive behavior. 

Taking a deep sigh you got off the bed and quietly slipped into a pair of sweatpants that already fitted you a bit better than the last time you wore them. A warm hoodie followed and lastly you slipped into your shoes. Motionlessly you sat on the edge of the bed and waited for a nurse to bring the early breakfast around. The backpack containing your few belongings already laid next to you – packed ready since yesterday evening.  
When the food arrived you didn’t even deign to look at it. The only thing you paid attention to was the clock. Occasionally your gaze wandered to the window. The curtains weren’t drawn and thus the still dark morning sky was revealed to you. Cold November wind blew through the branches and sent some of the last brown, withered leafs tumbling down in wild spirals.

7:30 am. It was still a bit too early but emitting another very deep sigh you decided that you didn’t want to wait any longer. Finally you stood up, shouldered the backpack and strode through the door. You were supposed to go to one of the lesser-frequented back exits where the ambulance service would pick you up.  
You couldn’t really place the feeling, but it somehow felt like an era was ending when you reached ground level and strode down the abandoned corridor. Maybe, if it wasn’t for the medication, you would have noticed the goosebumps on your skin earlier. Maybe the shiver that ran down your spine and the fine hair of your neck standing on end would have alarmed you. Perhaps you would have turned on your heels, walked back to your room and called your parents to pick you up. Maybe – just maybe – the flickering ceiling light would have made you scream out in horror and take off running, like you had always done earlier.  
But none of that happened. Almost indifferently you paced down the empty hallway.

A husky yelp escaped your throat when all of a sudden a door next to you flew open and a large hand wrapped around your upper arm. Only half a second later you were being yanked into the dimly lit room and the sound of his voice made the blood in your veins freeze. Ice cold and yet burning hot fire set your heart ablaze but you found yourself caught in lethargy. How could you not recognize him earlier? How could you be so blind? – Blind and deaf on both eyes and ears? In the corner of your eye you saw something flash up – a light reflex on the sharp metallic object he held in his other hand.

“Hello, doll.” His voice felt like velvet and sandpaper at once.

“Hello, Satan.”

Deep-voiced laughter filled the room: “I believe it is time to go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now this probably wasn't quite what you expected after Chapter 1's cliffhanger! I really hope you found it enjoyable ;)  
> I tried to put the reader's family more into play to add more realism to the whole situation. If the reader's relationship to her parents doesn't resemble your actual relationship with them, feel free to replace the parents in the fic with friends, siblings or any other relatives ^-^  
> And if any of you is named Xantippe, I am terribly sorry but I tried to pick one of the most uncommon names xD  
> The very last bit was inspired by the beautiful song "Me and the devil" by Soap&Skin (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xd9LpME3jnk)  
> Also thanks @VaatiLover for giving me some ideas, you cutiepie <3
> 
> Artwork reference for what Herman's face might look like in the real world: https://www.zerochan.net/2379942  
> The Artist: https://www.pixiv.net/member.php?id=1745169
> 
> Thank you for reading <3 If you had fun, feel free to leave a comment because I LOVE COMMENTS <3


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